Tag: queer

  • Shapes And Stuff Change, And Move To This Way Or That Way

    How Medical Transition Opened My Creativity.

    I came out at 12, about to be 13. I chopped off my hair. I started binding around age 14. I socialized as a boy. Throughout middle and high school, I enjoyed the arts. I was in the band, a part of the theater stage crew, and took art during my last two years of high school. When I graduated from high school in 2023, I drew in my sketchbook here and there, but I would go months without creating. It was November 2024 that I switched to injections. I had already been on testosterone for about 6 ½ months, low-dosing with the gel method. By upping my dose and using a method that better absorbed the testosterone for me, I was finally getting to cis-male levels.

    I finally felt creative. I started working on projects. I remember being in the craft store, and seeing this large pad of bristol paper and buying it because I wanted to make art in a larger size. This was new to me, as I wanted to work in smaller sizes and draw my favorite duck species. Not only did I start to work larger, but I also decided to go to school for art, starting that January 2025. So I went in about a year on hormones, and I had no clue about my identity with my art. That I just wanted to create. While in my classes, I still had some creativity to make art of my own. I feel the need to make things.

    My theory is that giving myself the right levels of hormones and quieting my gender dysphoria enough to allow me to express myself properly in the things I create, but also in how I dress. I would not be where I am today without HRT. I got to be this creative man. Something that should not be radical but is. Going through puberty knowing I was a boy was hell, and it squelched my self-expression because all I wanted to be was not seen. I never had the chance to explore my creativity because I wanted people to respect me as a man. But now, I don’t care because I look in the mirror and see a guy.

    My art has definitely changed. I have not created fan art in a couple of years now. I have moved to abstraction and switched from digital to more traditional mediums like oil paint. Though I primarily work in ink now. Through my journey of finding my creative voice and settling into my masculinity.

  • Music feeds my brain

    I had 69 days worth of hours of music listening in 2025

    How my music taste naturally came to me. Middle school was 2000’s emo and pop punk and show tunes, but then quickly I went into my hyperpop phase listening to Vocaloid and anime openings. To find then discovering Midwest emo in gym class to completely falling down the folk punk pipeline throughout the rest of high school but listening to Will Wood on blast. While trying to feel superior that I was not like the TikTok Will Wood fans but wearing the same hoodie everyday my senior year. To now listening to whatever sounds good to me.

    Recently I have been listening to a lot of Hip-Hop. It is a very satisfying genre to listen to. The music nerd in me has ample respect for how the songs are composed and how the artists make the different samples fit nicely.

    My politics have played a big part. In high school, I was going back and forth if I was an anarchist or a communist or both. Punk songs that were angry towards the government or on mainstream society felt like I had a place to fit as a young teen trans boy. Let us just say I listened to a lot of Laura Jane Grace when I was fourteen. Though a band that has always been my top is AJJ. Their songs have always seemed to fit into a different period of my life.

    But I liked hyperpop, because it was over stimulated and fit the void when I need a lot of sensory input.

    My music taste summed up is does this make my brain feel good, or do I really like how the lyrics flow and is an output for my anger. I am not person that lies when I say I will listen to any genre! I don’t bullshit about that.

  • Transing Your Dadaism:

    Gender is Stupid a Rant Of How I’m Inspired by the Dada Movement.

    Started with a deep dive into Marcel Duchamp and seeing his alter ego, Rrose Sélavy. Then later falling down another rabbit hole on gender in the Dada movement.

    But the wheels were turning, how the themes of the Dada movement can play into many gender non-conforming artists and my own art. How to be rebel against the conservative culture on gender. Especially within the trans community. Which people have set expectations that someone who identifies as non-binary has to be androgynous, a trans woman has to be dressed 100%her best and feminine, and a trans man has to be dressed so boringly basically and be 100% masculine. That the gender police will question one’s gender because they will refuse to fit in a box. Just absurd. Even in our own community, people bring conservative fascist bullshit.

    Mainly thinking about Hannah Höch’s line of artwork and how she would call out gender roles.

    Not only with the theme of cyborgs in dadaism, but because of the new plastic surgery and prosthetics, because of the injuries from World War One. It is a theme that has been in my head. The idea of adding parts to myself when I feel more masculine. To take off my breasts and add a bulge. The non-binary body and how some days wanting a different gender body. Themes that can definitely be explored more.

    There is a lot to explore and to rebel against.